Forgot

I forgot all about this here little blog 'o mine.  Hmm.... rekindle?

Ebb & Flow

I'm thinking about taking up my blogging habits again. My focus will change from mostly weight loss to other life goals.  There's a lot of PROJECTS in my life that I enjoy, and it might be nice to record my journey with them.

The projects I choose to involve myself in are usually inspired by the Church. But I admit that I have a hard time knowing when my project ideas are promptings from God or from my own selfish brain. :)  I tend to go all out with most of my ideas... I like to start fast and go go go with full intensity. I think my thinking is that if I am being called to a "mission field", I'd rather jump on it and answer quickly and faithfully than to ponder it for too long and dismiss it as my own ideas, then realize later that I should have acted.

I do recognize the danger in this.  God wants me to be intentional and careful.  He wants to teach me patience, discernment, and slow & steady faithfulness.  He does not wish to see me sprinting every time the whistle blows, only to be winded and sometimes burnt out after only 100 yards on a marathon course.

The newest project on my mind (which quite honestly has inspired me to rekindle with this here blog) is the dream to homeschool my kids.  There are so many reasons I want to homeschool them, and yet I'm torn because I'm so happy at my current job, get paid well for the work I do, and really do already "have it all." So, why fix something that isn't really all that broken?  Well - when I say it like that my immediate reaction is a face of disgust...  our school system really truly is broken. And as my kids get older, I realize more how detrimentally broken it is - even in this award winning, middle-upper class district that I'm in.

So there you have it - my re-introduction.

Prayerfully,
Maggie

So it begins

I'm kind of obsessive.  Or maybe loyal is a kinder descriptive.  When I have all my cards in my hand, I play straight and honest and there's no messing around.

So begins the 100 day challenge.  I've already learned a thing or two.  Like the power of not-so-random quotes on pinterest or the power of prayerfully letting go so God can do His thing.

Funny thing - honest to goodness - my shoulder hasn't hurt for over a week now.  Ever since I prayerfully made the commitment to pay closer attention to Him and be more intentional about how I treat the body He has given me, I've felt better physically and spiritually.  My shoulder feels like I never had an injury there.  It's been almost a year now since I did physical therapy on my shoulder, it failed, and I resigned to just deal with it for the rest of my life since I can't justify the need for a CAT scan or surgery on it.

I also learned that I'm not motivated by money at all. Ever since husby and I climbed out of debt, money hasn't been controlling our lives so much.  When I was brainstorming about the 100 DC, I immediately thought that maybe money would motivate me or help me keep myself accountable for my choices..  but I was wrong!  I forgot all about that idea and it doesn't really appeal to me anymore.  Another post will be about how I think money and dieting are VERY similar. I can't wait to rant and rave about that.

I also learned that I can, with a small investment (about $8 for a nut milk bag) make juice with my blender, that I don't need a $100+ juicer to do it.  I can't wait for that amazon shipment. :)  Thanks a million to my great friends on facebook who are doing the challenge with me and sharing lots of awesome, valuable information to help me along my way.

I'm also learning that food controls my social life (or, at least it USED TO!!)...   this is an idea I've been "chewing on" for more than a year now, but I've just recently made sense of it in my head.  Have you ever noticed that everything we do socially or culturally, even, has (bad) food attached to it?   In my life, activities revolve around a meal.  Or, if eating is not part of the activity, the activity is scheduled at a time that is perfectly convenient in relation to meal times.   Who said I have to eat monster size meals every five hours? Who says breakfast is at 7, lunch at 12 and dinner at 5?  That's ridiculous - no wonder the #1 advice given by "experts" to people who are trying to lose fat is to eat smaller meals more often.  I can't believe it took me this long to realize that.  Just because society says those are meal times, does not mean I need to feed my body MORE FOOD at those times! Gah.   Also - why does everything have to have food as a major component?  Going to the movies - plan on popcorn! Going to a ball game (a sporting event, hey that's exercise!) count on a hot dog and beer!  Going to the circus - plan on cotton candy or a sno cone!  Going to the park - better pack a snack!  Going on a bike ride - better go after a big meal and then eat another big meal shortly after you're done! Going shopping - try a new restaurant while you're out!  Going on a date - eating without the kids!  Going to the grocery store - don't go hungry, eat before you go!  Going to work - don't forget breakfast, and pack a lunch, and hey whats for dinner tonight!  Going to church - yay, donuts!

Hah - I'm ranting now.

So anyway - Day 1 was fairly easy. I'm obsessing about the challenge. I'm obsessing about my new lessons - about the juice, about the recipes I'm discovering, about praying diligently.  I'm obsessing lately over how much my God loves me!  I should love myself, too.. and I think I'm on my way there.

I know that there's a honeymoon period in everything good.  I'm expecting some off days in a week or two... where my obsessions turn into let-downs because of minor set backs.  But, it will all work out in the end.

It just feels good to get to know my body again.
Thanks for reading!

One Pound

I think I posted this before, but I couldn't find it and it's worth posting often anyway.  Here, readers, is what ONE POUND looks like.

Imagine taking FOUR STICKS OF BUTTER out of your belly.  That is something to celebrate!  Don't ever get discouraged for losing "just one pound."  It's quite impressive!

100 Day Challenge

With a little help from some friends, I've decided to be more intentional about my body for the next 100 days. The idea is that I'll get myself back on track physically and mentally and will get stronger emotionally and spiritually.  I want to (re)develop some great habits before "The Holidays" are upon us once again.

There are 100 days until Halloween - that sounds like a challenge for me!

Hopefully this blog will get updates during the next 100 days as I remember that my body is only a temporary dwelling and that it should be treated with respect and that everything I do with my body should be done to the glory of God.

WLC Update

I guess I never blogged my results from the last WLC.

I took second place! I don't remember the final lbs or inches lost but I was pleased with my results. I even won $40 and lots of "ooh"s and "ahhh"s from colleagues.

I should remember that feeling more often. Maybe I need another challenge to get me motivated this time!

Here's the Skinny

Here's the skinny on me lately.  Shortly after that last post, I got really busy with life and then started feeling really crummy physically. I thought I was coming down with the flu, but I never got sick. I just got really tired.  At my worst, I was taking 3-4 hour naps in the middle of the day and going to bed as early as 8pm and sleeping in until 9, sometimes even 10am when I was lucky.

I thought it was stress. (I live a busy life, and was at my busiest when the BBF hosted our third annual race at the end of April.)

Then I thought maybe it was a little bit of depression. (My cousin recently passed away from cancer after a fight of only 7 months.)

Then, I thought maybe it was just allergies. (So I started messing with my allergy regimen.)

Then I started documenting everything and noticed how well I've been eating and how active I was before I started feeling like crap. I went back through my prayer journal and remembered a lot about the last few months.  And I started to think that maybe there was just something legitimately wrong so I went to the doctor.

At first, the doc didn't do anything, really.  They drew some routine lab work since it'd been a year or more since my previous physical. That showed that I have low vitamin D but that doc didn't seem to mind so he didn't suggest I do anything but go out into the sun a bit more.

So we made it a point to go for more walks and play outside more often and my symptoms just started getting worse. On top of the fatigue, my shoulder was hurting again - like it did before I started a 10 weeks of physical therapy on it for what was (mis?)diagnosed as bicep tendonitis.   My shoulder pain, back pain, and fatigue talked me into getting a second opinion.

The next doc I saw lacked some serious bed side manners, and I felt like I was shoo'd away faster than I could get annoyed about it - but there was more blood drawn, to check for ANA (to rule out an auto-immune deficiency, just in case). I also got a script for some mega sumo Vitamin D pills to take.  Maybe that will help?

The other bloodwork test showed borderline positive results, meaning that I had some ANA in my blood - which apparently means that my body is fighting itself for some reason or another. So I was referred to a rheumatologist.  (This started making sense!  I did some research and decided that I must have arthritis! Maybe my shoulder hurts because the tissues are decomposing in the joints and my body can't keep up with it so I'm exhausted from it all!)

Nope - the doc said my shoulder is completely unrelated.  The rheumatologist ordered more extensive (specific?) blood tests to investiage the fatigue and soreness,  and those tests came back with only slight abnormalities (whatever that means?) and only borderline positive for signs of lupus.  She said that I really should not worry about any of this, that there certainly is no diagnosis, especially not one of lupus. 


The plan is to visit one more time with my allergist and then possibly start a medication that is supposed to help with the fatigue. (No answers still on the shoulder pain, I guess it's just residual from an injury I got when I worked it so hard to lose that first 40ish lbs. Whatever.)

All of this was bothering me greatly so I haven't been working out (to be honest, I haven't even been eating as well as I was used to, either)... I've been using my fatigue and joint paint, and my unknown blood "abnormalities" as an excuses to just be in a waiting phase.... waiting on blood results... waiting on appointments ... waiting on reasons.

I'm done waiting.



So I'm still tired. But I'm done waiting for answers... I'm just going to make the commitment to find my healthy me again one small step at a time.  I'll listen to my body but I'll stop making excuses. I'm just going to assume that nothing major is wrong.

My stupid mouth always gets me in trouble. This time it's for being over-cautious. Just suck it up and push through allergy season.  Gonna keep pushing myself to get over these mental blocks.

Being Honest

You take the good you take the bad you take them both and there you have

the facts of life.

Gah.

If you consume the crappy stuff, your body will not yield results.

I ate crap last weekend... starting Friday night and not stopping until Sunday night.

Gah! The weekends are SO. HARD.  I have nobody to blame but myself!  I want to give you all my excuses and write a big long blog post about "date night" on Friday and how we celebrated my birthday on Saturday with Rich's family and how I was held at gunpoint to consume frozen yogurt on Sunday while out with mother in law...  but seriously. Those stories would just be riddled with excuses and covering up the real problem.

I struggle with weekends. I need get this figured out. Especially if I'm going to make big progress on my goals and win this WLC.   It's frustrating!

I want to eat the crap everyone else eats, but I want to lose weight doing it.  Those in AA know that the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result.  This past weekend, I lost my brain, and my stomach took over to compensate.  My stomach said that since I've been working out so much, that I can eat the crap and everything will be okay. My stomach said that my muscles are sore so I deserve the junk. My stomach said that I could work off the crap the next day with a higher intensity work out.

My brain knows better!  If I want results, I have to eat like I want results. SEVEN DAYS A WEEK.  My brain knows that this challenge isn't going to last for forever.... It's only seven more weeks.  Seriously, I can keep losing for seven more weeks!  Even if it's only one pound a week - that's a package of buttah off my thighs. I know this! My brain knows this. Even my heart knows this.  But, my stomach is sick. It's diseased with want and deserve and make-up-for-it-later. 

So, no pounds lost this week. I weigh exactly the same as I did at this time last week. To the tenth of a pound.  

That's okay, though.  I'm not going to have any CRAP this weekend!  I'm going to climb to the very tip top of that leader board and I'm going to reach my goal of 11 more pounds!

Clothes ... that fit?

So, a year ago at this time I was 48 pounds heavier than what I am now.  That's a lot of pounds!  The speaker at Friday's WLC meeting brought in a pound of butter as a visual aid. She said she brought it in to remind the group what a pound looks like. She said some folks in the group had emailed her with sad statements like, "I only lost one measly little pound this week...." so she brought in a pound of butter and asked us to imagine that pound coming right off each of our thighs!  I loved the visual especially after remembering that I have lost almost 50 of those bad boys!

x50

But, all this losing and reshaping my body is giving me clothing nightmares.  Not the kind of nightmares you dream in your sleep, but the kind that you live in your morning routines where you try shirt after shirt after shirt on and don't like the way anything looks on you or ...even more fun of course... the pants!

When I lost the first 35 after last summer's WLC, I went clothes shopping.  I thought it would be FUN! Sounds fun, right? Getting new clothes after a significant loss like that?  I mean, 35 pounds surely equals a couple of pant sizes...   right?

That's where I have mental issues. (No husby, I don't need a reminder that I've always had mental issues, kay? I'm talking about clothes here, thanks.)

I mean, I went shopping and tried on a billion mazillion trillion different pairs of pants and didn't like any of them! I used to be a size 16 pants (on a good day!) and those are much too big.  I tried on some 14s - still baggy.  The 12s are incredibly small... I think?

This Goldilocks game has to stop.   I think I know why it's happening.
Most of my adult life, I've worn baggy clothes. Espcially my jeans/pants. I've always wanted them loose so I have room to grow. Because that's all I've ever done. GROW.  I've never had the pleasure of shrinking before.  And, when clothes fit tight, it just means I need to go one size bigger.  In my head, at least.

So where am I now?  I'm finding myself buying NEW pants (as a weight loss REWARD) that are too big!  My two newest pants, both of which I love, slip on and off my hips without even unbuttoning or unzipping them.

To me, this is a hurdle I must overcome.

Just recently (VERY recently, like last week recently) my favorite brown belt was suddenly TOO BIG.  The tightest notch on the belt was still too loose to hold my britches up.

It's time to re-train my brain to understand what clothes that fit feel like.  I'm not sure how I'm going to do this. Clothes are a really big part of my budget and I don't want to just go buying clothes that should be my size and then never wear them because they're not comfortable.  I honestly don't know how to shop for clothes now.  This is a bummer!  Suggestions are welcome!

Eat better, exercise more

Everybody at work seemed pretty surprised about my 8lbs lost.  It felt good to know that I was doing something right!  All week, people have been mentioning the success and asking for pointers. I feel VERY TOTALLY and COMPLETELY unqualified to give any sorts of pointers on weight loss, but I feel a personal responsibility to let everybody in on what works for me so that maybe it can work for them too...

Here's my big secret - are you ready????


... Diet & Exercise.

And prayer.
Lots of prayer.

This week's weigh-in won't be NEARLY as impressive. I can't even guarantee that I've lost anything.  But, I'm getting healthier and stronger, and HOPEFULLY a little bit closer to that grand prize in March - the jackpot for the weightloss challenge. :)

The Challenge :: Week 1

So, here are my impressions of this weight loss challenge that I'm a part of.

First, I'm pretty disappointed with how the thing is being executed. The accountability provided by having co-workers and friends on the challenge with me is a very good thing, but the management of weigh-in's is kind of on an honor system. They are asking participants to weigh in and then email their weight to one of the organizers of the challenge. This organizer is an outside person, so it's not biased, but the weights are not checked by ANYONE, ANYWHERE, ANYTIME. Even our initial weigh in last week was pretty sorry: just weigh in on the scale you'll be using for the duration of the challenge and email that weight to the facilitator.  I'm a pretty honest person. In fact, if I had to name a weakness about me, it would be fierce loyalty. I hate to break rules and I'm pretty much a terrible rule follower. So, the thought of cheating on this, though enticing (we're talking about close to $200 here, probably!), is out of the question for me. But, how do I know that everybody else who is participating is on the same ethical level I am?

 Aside from that, I can brag that I'm doing very well. I'm back to the exact weight I made when I finished my last weight loss challenge, which is fantastic!

 I did a weight loss challenge during the summer, from June until mid August, and I lost nearly 40 pounds during that time. But, after the challenge was over, I began to have severe pain in my left shoulder and so I slacked off on the exercising. I also came down with pneumonia and so I slacked off on the healthy eating (I justified it by saying that I'm just glad I'm alive: Doesn't matter how I eat!).. Well, needless to say now, I've made up for all of that. I'm doing alright in physical therapy for my shoulder and my eating has been spot on for the last week.

I'm highly motivated by surprising everyone around me with my commitment to becoming healthier, stronger, leaner, and a couple hundred bucks richer. :) I'm 8 pounds down from my (honest to goodness) weigh in last week. I attribute that to countless hours working out and eating spinach salads with LOTS of veggies twice a day. I'm also eating plenty of fruit in the mornings and am getting sufficient protein throughout the day by way of shakes, yogurt, cottage cheese, and something meaty at dinner (usually).

 I'm feeling healthy, I'm much happier (again), and I keep surprising myself with my endurance and strength at the gym. I enjoy 5am spin classes, even though I don't have an accountability partner there. I can't wait for Spring so I can enjoy running outside more often.

 This healthier lifestyle is contagious, and perhaps that's the most appealing benefit to me. My kids are copying me - Rebecca loves her spinach smoothies and her salads and Julia wants to get serious into running. She even ran 2 miles with me and kept up with a 11:40 min/mile pace and then out-sprinted me at the end. Julia loves the shakes/smoothies and will eat raw spinach by the handfuls, along with cucumbers and celery, and even fresh broccoli.

 My husband has been a great supporter of me for this challenge as well. He has endured my thousands of questions about calories and exercise and he's been busting his own butt with Insanity just to stay with me in this. He'll enjoy his occasional sweet treat, but I don't blame him - with a metabolism and body like his, I would certainly indulge more often as well. :)

 Alright, so now I've written way more than is enough about my first week on the challenge. The challenge is over after spring break in March. I might even have a bikini body this summer... imagine that! (LOL - no don't imagine it... it was rhetorical. save yourself the gag). Thanks for reading!!!

My Fitness Pal

MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

Banishing Excuses

My easiest excuse for avoiding a workout is that my kids are more important and I don't like to take time away from them.
I need to get past this, and right now the easiest way I can see around it is to get up really early and get my workout over with before my normally scheduled routine begins.  I'm going to commit to this! At least for the next 11 weeks - then who know what will happen after that, but I remember learning somewhere that 21 consecutive times of doing something forms a regular, bonafide HABIT.  So, that's what I'm going for.

But, today - husby had the day off and so did I so we did things at our leisure and it was such a JOY! I took my time with my workout today and even did the whole thing in the comfort of my own home... which is another great reminder that the excuse of bad weather, or not enough time, or even dirty clothes shouldn't stop me. I can get a workout in NO MATTER WHAT, given that we have sufficient equipment at home to knock one out without a problem.

My new-ish strategy of working out before day breaks will begin on Wednesday. I'm hoping to make it to a 5am spin class at the YMCA. It will be a super challenge since I don't have to work Weds or have any other plans. I'm gonna have to get my butt out of that bed just because.  I'll let you know what happens. :) (And while typing this post, I just remembered that holy crap, that's tomorrow.)  Heh..

Today's workout consisted of a 20 minute treadmill jog - including work with a steep incline and a two minute run at an uncomfortably fast pace.. which is great. :) And, I was watching the Dr's while I was working out and they weren't done talking about something interesting so I stayed on for an extra 5-10 minutes after that.  Then, I tried a new workout called "Hip Hop Abs" from "Shawn-T" ...  I liked it but I don't know that it did much for me, so when it was done (it was thirty minutes long!) I went ahead and did a 3 minute abs exercise to finish everything off.

I'm excited about getting back on track!  The only real, legitimate excuse I have to not go at it full force with 100% effort is a shoulder injury that I'm currently going to physical therapy for.  Hopefully it will be just another few weeks of therapy and I'll be good as new so I can re-join the weight training classes at the Y. :)

The stats

So, I always think that scale-obsessing is over-rated. I do watch the scale to be sure I don't climb close to that big awful number that I worked so hard to get under... and I'm doing pretty good, I must say. But there's this other measurement regarding if one is over-weight or not called the BMI.  I go back and forth on the credence would should give to the almighty BMI.  I mean, we really shouldn't base our success and failures on a number that simply represents a hight/weight ratio.  On the other hand, if we don't focus our goals SOMEWHERE relevant then we must not be serious about changing our body shapes....  Ugh I just don't know.

So this scan I took part in last week supposedly measured all these variables. The guy said the purpose of the scan was to get a baseline so that we can monitor progress. It's apparently a more thorough way to gauge success than just hopping on a scale and measuring the displacement of gravity (his words, not mine). I agree that total body composition is more important than just weight measured on a scale so I went along with it.  This guy says that we are going to weigh in (on a scale) every Friday and do a thorough body scan every month to measure success.  The person who loses the most body fat percentage in the 11 week challenge wins the jackpot (the challenge cost $5 to participate and those who miss a Friday weigh-in/seminar are required to pay $2 and those who gain a pound pay $1 per pound gained each week.. so the jackpot is kind of pretty and enticing).   He said that if someone loses a ton of weight according to the scale but their body fat percentage isn't down, they can't win.  Hmmm.. interesting enough.

So, I just know you're curious now.  What are those variables he measured?

Well, for what it's worth my current BMI is 28.0.  This is, thank GOD, drastically lower than what it was at this time last year. :)  However, according to the charts, it puts me in the "Obese" range... meaning I've got a lot to lose still to be considered "normal."  The normal range for a female my age is supposed to be 20.1-20.5.  (Again I have to ask... who defines normal? The "average" person is so arbitrary considering how many folks there are in this beautiful world. I digress..)  Whatever, a BMI in the 20's is a goal I can aim for.

My body fat percentage, according to this little body scan I did last week, is ... I'm not telling.  I guess I feel shame about it.  But it's really high and will decrease considerably as I meet my new goals in the next 11 weeks.  According to this paperwork that I was given by the body scan guy, the normal range for Body Fat percentage is 21.0-32.9 percent body fat.  Hmmm...  I have no choice but to believe that to be "average" or "normal" or whatever comforting descriptor I want because I don't have the education or knowledge or experience to say otherwise...

On the other hand, my Viceral Fat (the abdominal fat that protects my internal organs and all that important stuff inside my gut) is supposedly at a 6, which is within the normal range of 0-9.   This is, again, on the paperwork that was given me by this Herbalife body scan guy who is facilitating our new weight loss challenge at work.  I am such a skeptic and am disbelieving that these numbers he is pulling out have any real substance.

My skeletal muscle (the muscles that attach the to the skeleton and helps with daily living and posture and moving and breathing, etc.) is at a 26.8 percentage (percent of what? of total body fat? I don't really know).  According to this, the "normal" range for this type of muscle is from 24.3-30.0 percent for someone my age and sex.  So I'm golden there, too, right?  Whatevs!

I guess I just wanted to put these numbers down in my journal so I can compare them to body scans I have in the future.  My hope is that I will be learning more about this stuff as I meet my goals. To be honest, it's all very very boring to me. I don't find interest in any of it at all - so listening to a seminar or lecture about it all makes me want to take a nap.  But, I do want to know what defines NORMAL and why I'm so large. :)

Ahh that's better

Went to the Y for the first time in MONTHS for a good ole fashioned workout.  Met up with my friend there, who vowed to kick my butt.  I was determined to stay in it and I have to agree that I did a pretty good job. We did some treadmill intervals including 10% incline work.  Feels GREAT to be back in the health kick again.

Woke up this morning to a spinach smoothie.  Off to a great start. Going to do my part to finish off all the junk around here :)  My official weigh in is on Jan 6th and I'll be honest - I want to fluff myself up for it a bit so I can win the jackpot.

Cheers!

Really Bad Eating

That's what this blog is really about.  My terrible eating and how it's transforming into really good eating.

The holidays were HORRIBLE. (They were GREAT but on the eating side, they were horrible. The food was great, but you know what I mean.)

I ate so much junk that I think I've created a "sensitive teeth" problem for myself.

I think the horrible food choices I've made over the last week are directly related to the weight loss challenge that begins next week.  I'm psychologically compensating for the changes I'm about to make.  And those changes aren't all that drastic - they're the same eating habits I had at around this time last year when I started to lose all that fat. But, I had a bit of a "break" between that success and the one I'm about to begin so I indulged way too much.

Now I have this psychological battle ahead regarding the leftover sweets that still haunt my house.  The candy from the stockings. The leftover cookie-making ingredients.  I want to eat it all to make it all disappear so that it can't taunt me daily but on the other hand, I want to leave it all out so I can walk by and not eat it and feel successful for passing it up.

I'm ready for the battle of my WILL to succeed.  I'm ready to hit the gym again. I'm ready to fix my stupid mouth!  Bring it on!!! :)

Body Scan :: Weightloss Challenge 2012

I'm starting a new weight loss challenge in 2012, which was the biggest influence for having this blog. I need a place where I can publicly report my failures and successes. I guess I just do better with that kind of accountability.

Today, I completed a "body scan" at a place called Midwest Nutrition.  While I don't agree with everything (most things) they do there at MW, I did appreciate having some hard facts to launch from with this new challenge.  I'll be honest and admit that the number on the scale motivates me. I've come so far since my first weightloss journey began one year ago. But, this challenge is about body fat percentage, which should be a nice change for goal setting..

I'll share some of the stats and facts another time because I don't have them in front of me at the moment. The new challenge is through my work and begins January 6th.  We'll weigh in every Friday during a 45 minute "class" (more like a presentation, I'd say) and those who gain will pay dollar penalties while those who lose are hoping to win the jackpot at the end of 9 weeks.

My goal is simple: to win the jackpot! I'm motivated by the money and feel like I have a pretty good chance at winning since I'm already making leaps and bounds with my health now-a-days. I just needed that extra little incentive to get those last 15 lbs or so off.  The jackpot might be as much as $150.   That'll be a nice new outfit or two for my new slender'er body!

100 Things I'm Grateful For

Originally posted WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 27, 2010

100 blessings in my life

In no particular order, 100 blessings that are in my life:

1. my children
2. my husband
3. my father and his wife
4. my relatively new relationship with my brother
5. my grandmother is still alive and well
6. my husband's entire family
7. my dog
8. living in this small town in KS
9. the Foth family
10. the Sanders family
11. the Dehn family
12. fall weather
13. beautiful house
14. full closet
15. full pantry
16. working husband
17. memories of summer vacation
18. getting off work early on a (random) friday
19. our big fish in our big fish tank
20. the van in our garage
21. the vehicle in the driveway
22. the bikes in the garage
23. my strong body that can walk, run, move
24. my laptop
25. iTunes, CDs, music in general
26. my fancy cell phone
27. allergy medicine
28. books in the house
29. the local library
30. parks in this town
31. fuzzy warm socks
32. my neighbors
33. the BBF volunteers
34. sponsors
35. businesses that contribute paper, ink, printing to the BBF
36. USD 231
37. Preschool teacher from last year
38. Kindergarten teacher from this year
39. Sunday school teachers
40. having multiple bibles in our household
41. Julia excited about having her own bible
42. warm showers
43. people at church
44. small group
45. sweet treats
46. soldiers who fight for my freedom
47. antibiotics
48. easy crafts
49. board games with friends
50. potluck lunches after church
51. my comfy bed
52. clean sheets
53. reading to my kids
54. taking the dog for walks while husby puts the kids to bed
55. the smell of my kids' shampoo after a bath
56. referrals from clients
57. handwritten letters/notes
58. child-made bookmarks
59. conversations at Chick-fil-A (among adults, while my kids are having a great time playing)
60. fish filters so I don't have to clean the tank every week
61. toilet cleaners that are flushable
62. yankee candles
63. pre-planned menus for the month (or even week!)
64. successful BBF fundraisers
65. chemo and other drugs that make people better
66. pain medicine
67. oxygen
68. water
69. in-laws that spend time with my kids
70. my neighbors who love me and look out ofr me
71. good tv shows
72. General health and well being
73. Companies like Austins, Schwans, and Chick-fil-A who believe in the BBF
74. my Pastor and his entire family
75. Other pastors in the area, and the relationship I've built with some of them
76. Matthew West, his music, and his example
77. Pictures kids draw for me while they are away (they are thinking of me when I'm not there?!)
78. weekends
79. DVD player in the van
80. family in another state (excuse to travel!)
81. family in another state (time away makes the heart grow tender sometimes)
82. 5K runs and friends that run them, thus motivating me
83. diapers, toilet paper, napkins, and other hygiene luxuries
84. Sun, Rain, Clouds, Snow, Wind - the Seasons nature creates
85. DeeJo Miller
86. Brent and Sarah Bays and their boys
87. the ACS RFL events/opportunities/experiences
88. pooper scoopers with long handles :)
89. neighbor/friends that walk my J to/from school safely every day
90. Children's church volunteers & leaders that love on my kids on Sunday mornings while I attend service
91. new pants that fit right
92. my new laptop battery that husby got for me without me even asking him to
93. official business cards that were designed/ordered/paid for/delivered by someone from church for the BBF (I didn't even ask her to do this!)
94. online sermons
95. margaritas with girlfriends
96. margaritas and movies or wii games with husby on weekends (a rare treat, but a treat indeed!)
97. chips & salsa
98. Conversations about God with my daddy
99. texts on Thursdays from my Auntie (S.H.I.T. = So Happy Its Thursday)
100. large children's movie collection

This list took me almost a week to complete.  About 1/3 of the way through it, I came down with bronchitis (and possibly pneumonia as well).  Still, the blessings are abundant. I could have kept going....  I'm incredibly blessed and I hope to take for granted as FEW of my blessings as possible!  I thank God for those blessings I am able to take for granted!! 

Book Review: Education of a Street Cop

Originally posted on TUESDAY, DECEMBER 28, 2010

Book Review

The book my dad wrote is called "Education of a Street Cop" and it's autobiographical of his life over the span of about four years.  He chronicles stories and introduces relationships that are key to the development of his sense of self, as well as his sense of an ethical, well functioning society that is protected by its uniformed police force.  The chronicles within this book offer readers a detailed look at what life was like as an officer working the graveyard shift in a middle class suburban county.  But, not only does it offer a glimpse into the kind of adrenaline-racing calls that a police officer faces, it teaches the historical and philosophical evolution that affect the moral and ethics development within the structure of a police department at the time.  The talented writer shapes each story (and even each relationship) into something that is important and meaningful to our understanding of what life is like as a rookie street cop is "educated."

I believe my dad needed to write this book.  Not only are the stories captivating and engaging, but they each provide a specific and important "lesson" that is outlined so that we readers may better understand how the true stories within the book directly attribute to the morals and ethics my father hold, even today.  The lessons are relational to the main character as he matures as a street cop.  But, the author also matures as a man with strong moral values and in turn, he unwillingly develops a contempt for modern day interferences that come with government structure and systems.  The main character so strongly desires to do his job the way he was taught: to be an agent of protection in the department he serves. But, his daily struggles to bring peace to the community are thwarted by his superiors time and again - and as we read through to the last page, we understand how this happens.  As his audience, we find ourselves rooting for the author and the other main character in the story who exemplify simplicity and authenticity.

The book is written with each "lesson" or story providing an outline for the bigger picture, which involves a main character by the name of Giapappa.  Giapappa is a man of mystery, much like the author.  While reading, you can't help but root for these two men of honor, while hoping that their relationship will reveal itself to be one of hope and triumph.   In the end, the reader is not disappointed; though the outcome is a far cry from triumph over the scandalous broken system of government oversight and regulation.

This book was dedicated to me and my brother. I first learned that my dad authored it on Christmas morning.   I opened it as my kids opened their Christmas gifts under the warmth of the lit up tree.  When I read the dedication, I found myself speechless and I quickly was overcome with emotion.  This book is an amazing gift; it illustrates  what kind of work my dad was doing while my brother and I were safe and warm in our beds at night and into the early mornings.  The setting of this book occurs when I was about 2 years old, my brother four or five.  While the vulgar language within the book will likely catch many of its readers off guard, I can admit that the filthy words were commonly overheard as I tried to get to know my father when I was a little girl.  The vulgarity is not meant to be offensive to you or me, it is exemplary of the writer's authenticity and of the scrupulous nature of the graveyard shift at the time.  I honestly admire my father's candidacy and transparency as he writes these true stories which portray his innocence and ignorance and later his wisdom and experience, despite the unavoidable upsets of alcohol, management, and untrustworthy relationships.

My Bucket List

Originally Posted on TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2010

Bucket List

Shamlessly stolen from one of the various blogs I creep upon while working surfing the net.  100 Things I would like to do before I kick the bucket:
 (in no particular order)

1. Publish a children's book.
2. Go to the taping of a funny sitcom in NY or CA
3. Watch the launch of a spacecraft
4. Sing karaoke in a public place without a care
5. Canoe or Kayak somewhere (anywhere?) -   During California Trip for our 10 Year Anniversary in June 2011. <3
6. Take a hot air balloon ride
7. Ride in a helicopter
8. Snorkle in the ocean  - During our "honeymoon" in Mexico - one year anniversary, Cabo San Lucas
9. Tour New York City
10. Be a missionary in an underdeveloped country
11. Go parasailing in Hawaii
12. Run a 10K - Lawrence, KS in 2010
13. Walk (or run?) a marathon
14. Learn American Sign Language
15. Go on a cruise
16. Teach Kindergarten
17. Pay off the house
18. Manage a healthy weight under xxx pounds. (nonofyourbusiness) - Goal Reached in September 2011!!!!  Held strong through Dec 2011! (I'll try to keep this updated, LOL - not that I have little faith or anything..)
19. Try a new fruit or veggie every day for one month.
20. Start a non-profit organization for a good cause.
21. Have/Make a friend that will sit with me on the front porch when I'm really old and senile.
22. Swim with dolphins
23. Learn to draw
24. Finish a scrapbook
25. Print pictures of the kids/events/milestones/vacations and file them chronologically
26. Help the BBF raise a million dollars (or more!) to give away
27. Own a preschool business (in a commercial building, not in my home, hehe!)
28. Ride a ferry  - Ferry to San Diego from Coronado Island in June 2011.
29. See a blimp up close
30. See Stonehedge
31. Renew marriage vows in Tahoe (maybe for 50th?)
32. Sleep by campfire without a tent/shelter (maybe on a hammock!?)
33. Place first, second or even third in a 5K
34. Memorize the books of the bible in order
35. Attend a Jewish wedding
36. Be a guest at a traditional Jewish Hannukah dinner on Passover
37. Provide respite care for a cancer patient or family member
38. Volunteer at a high school consistently
39. Design a state of the art playpark in a low income neighborhood
40. Revisit the area of San Isabel National Forest, where we got lost in the woods in August 2000.
41. Visit Bishop's Castle with my dad
42. Go sledding with the family in a secluded, perfect area
43. Make a quilt
44. Make a better quilt
45. Archive the lyrics to all the children's songs I know
46. Perform in a skit for a church/cause
47. Go to an opera
48. Go to a broadway play on Broadway
49. See the bar from Cheers on display in Los Angeles.
50. Take the kids ice skating on a lake
51. Have a garden on my property
52. Grow all my own veggies (cucumbers, tomatoes, lettuce, etc.)
53. Hike up Pikes Peak
54. Ride a train to (or from?) a vacation destination
55. Leave a $100+ tip at a diner/restaurant
56. Pay someone eles's mortgage for a year
57. Help build a house for habitat for humanity
58. Provide Christmas for a family in need (dinner, presents, clothes, a ride to church)
59. Teach a parenting class
60. Volunteer in a hospital (oncology if needed)
61. Have coffee/lunch with Matthew West
62. Spend 24 hours in pajamas as an adult and not care :)
63. Write an inspirational song
64. Babysit for single moms free of charge 
65. Buy groceries for the person in line behind me at the grocery store
66. Buy lunch for the person behind me in a drive thru  - Frequently!
67. Ride along with a police officer on a night shift
68. Visit ground zero in NY
69. Collect the 50 quarters from all 50 states
70. Live a simple life with very few possessions
71. Witness a medically necessary surgery
72. Make a really good bottle of wine
73. Try a ropes course with husby
74. Drive a golf cart for golfers I know (or famous people!)
75. Write a bucket list!
76. Go white water rafting in the Rockies (again)
77. See my children grow up to be well rounded, responsible, successful adults
78. Go on a women's spiritual retreat
79. Lead a bible study
80. Do a touristy zip line in a rainforest or somewhere
81. Learn to ski
82. Get a masters degree in something unconventional (underwater basket weaving?)
83. Learn to knit a scarf for someone
84. Have a clutter free home (even before number 70 is achieved)
85. Complete a big jigsaw puzzle
86. Learn how to change the oil in my own vehicle (and become good at it)
87. Get pedicures with both my daughters
88. Give all homemade presents for Christmas one year
89. Write down something I'm thankful for every single day and then put them in a time capsule to open in 10 years.
90. Go tubing down a stream in the mountains (again - haven't done that one since early 90's!)
91. Donate my hair to Locks of Love
92. Speak Pig Latin with my kids in public 
93. Make a snow igloo in the backyard.
94. Learn to cook meals for other people (Frozen Stouffers Lasagna just isn't very ....heartwarming anymore)
95. Save Princess Peach (again) :)  - can never do that too many times!
96. Write a book filled with word plays. (I like throwing knives! I like throwing - knives.) I'madork
97. Keep a prayer journal
98. Fly a really cool/big kite with my kids at a park
99. Come up with two more things for this bucket list
100.   
101.