So it begins

I'm kind of obsessive.  Or maybe loyal is a kinder descriptive.  When I have all my cards in my hand, I play straight and honest and there's no messing around.

So begins the 100 day challenge.  I've already learned a thing or two.  Like the power of not-so-random quotes on pinterest or the power of prayerfully letting go so God can do His thing.

Funny thing - honest to goodness - my shoulder hasn't hurt for over a week now.  Ever since I prayerfully made the commitment to pay closer attention to Him and be more intentional about how I treat the body He has given me, I've felt better physically and spiritually.  My shoulder feels like I never had an injury there.  It's been almost a year now since I did physical therapy on my shoulder, it failed, and I resigned to just deal with it for the rest of my life since I can't justify the need for a CAT scan or surgery on it.

I also learned that I'm not motivated by money at all. Ever since husby and I climbed out of debt, money hasn't been controlling our lives so much.  When I was brainstorming about the 100 DC, I immediately thought that maybe money would motivate me or help me keep myself accountable for my choices..  but I was wrong!  I forgot all about that idea and it doesn't really appeal to me anymore.  Another post will be about how I think money and dieting are VERY similar. I can't wait to rant and rave about that.

I also learned that I can, with a small investment (about $8 for a nut milk bag) make juice with my blender, that I don't need a $100+ juicer to do it.  I can't wait for that amazon shipment. :)  Thanks a million to my great friends on facebook who are doing the challenge with me and sharing lots of awesome, valuable information to help me along my way.

I'm also learning that food controls my social life (or, at least it USED TO!!)...   this is an idea I've been "chewing on" for more than a year now, but I've just recently made sense of it in my head.  Have you ever noticed that everything we do socially or culturally, even, has (bad) food attached to it?   In my life, activities revolve around a meal.  Or, if eating is not part of the activity, the activity is scheduled at a time that is perfectly convenient in relation to meal times.   Who said I have to eat monster size meals every five hours? Who says breakfast is at 7, lunch at 12 and dinner at 5?  That's ridiculous - no wonder the #1 advice given by "experts" to people who are trying to lose fat is to eat smaller meals more often.  I can't believe it took me this long to realize that.  Just because society says those are meal times, does not mean I need to feed my body MORE FOOD at those times! Gah.   Also - why does everything have to have food as a major component?  Going to the movies - plan on popcorn! Going to a ball game (a sporting event, hey that's exercise!) count on a hot dog and beer!  Going to the circus - plan on cotton candy or a sno cone!  Going to the park - better pack a snack!  Going on a bike ride - better go after a big meal and then eat another big meal shortly after you're done! Going shopping - try a new restaurant while you're out!  Going on a date - eating without the kids!  Going to the grocery store - don't go hungry, eat before you go!  Going to work - don't forget breakfast, and pack a lunch, and hey whats for dinner tonight!  Going to church - yay, donuts!

Hah - I'm ranting now.

So anyway - Day 1 was fairly easy. I'm obsessing about the challenge. I'm obsessing about my new lessons - about the juice, about the recipes I'm discovering, about praying diligently.  I'm obsessing lately over how much my God loves me!  I should love myself, too.. and I think I'm on my way there.

I know that there's a honeymoon period in everything good.  I'm expecting some off days in a week or two... where my obsessions turn into let-downs because of minor set backs.  But, it will all work out in the end.

It just feels good to get to know my body again.
Thanks for reading!

One Pound

I think I posted this before, but I couldn't find it and it's worth posting often anyway.  Here, readers, is what ONE POUND looks like.

Imagine taking FOUR STICKS OF BUTTER out of your belly.  That is something to celebrate!  Don't ever get discouraged for losing "just one pound."  It's quite impressive!

100 Day Challenge

With a little help from some friends, I've decided to be more intentional about my body for the next 100 days. The idea is that I'll get myself back on track physically and mentally and will get stronger emotionally and spiritually.  I want to (re)develop some great habits before "The Holidays" are upon us once again.

There are 100 days until Halloween - that sounds like a challenge for me!

Hopefully this blog will get updates during the next 100 days as I remember that my body is only a temporary dwelling and that it should be treated with respect and that everything I do with my body should be done to the glory of God.

WLC Update

I guess I never blogged my results from the last WLC.

I took second place! I don't remember the final lbs or inches lost but I was pleased with my results. I even won $40 and lots of "ooh"s and "ahhh"s from colleagues.

I should remember that feeling more often. Maybe I need another challenge to get me motivated this time!

Here's the Skinny

Here's the skinny on me lately.  Shortly after that last post, I got really busy with life and then started feeling really crummy physically. I thought I was coming down with the flu, but I never got sick. I just got really tired.  At my worst, I was taking 3-4 hour naps in the middle of the day and going to bed as early as 8pm and sleeping in until 9, sometimes even 10am when I was lucky.

I thought it was stress. (I live a busy life, and was at my busiest when the BBF hosted our third annual race at the end of April.)

Then I thought maybe it was a little bit of depression. (My cousin recently passed away from cancer after a fight of only 7 months.)

Then, I thought maybe it was just allergies. (So I started messing with my allergy regimen.)

Then I started documenting everything and noticed how well I've been eating and how active I was before I started feeling like crap. I went back through my prayer journal and remembered a lot about the last few months.  And I started to think that maybe there was just something legitimately wrong so I went to the doctor.

At first, the doc didn't do anything, really.  They drew some routine lab work since it'd been a year or more since my previous physical. That showed that I have low vitamin D but that doc didn't seem to mind so he didn't suggest I do anything but go out into the sun a bit more.

So we made it a point to go for more walks and play outside more often and my symptoms just started getting worse. On top of the fatigue, my shoulder was hurting again - like it did before I started a 10 weeks of physical therapy on it for what was (mis?)diagnosed as bicep tendonitis.   My shoulder pain, back pain, and fatigue talked me into getting a second opinion.

The next doc I saw lacked some serious bed side manners, and I felt like I was shoo'd away faster than I could get annoyed about it - but there was more blood drawn, to check for ANA (to rule out an auto-immune deficiency, just in case). I also got a script for some mega sumo Vitamin D pills to take.  Maybe that will help?

The other bloodwork test showed borderline positive results, meaning that I had some ANA in my blood - which apparently means that my body is fighting itself for some reason or another. So I was referred to a rheumatologist.  (This started making sense!  I did some research and decided that I must have arthritis! Maybe my shoulder hurts because the tissues are decomposing in the joints and my body can't keep up with it so I'm exhausted from it all!)

Nope - the doc said my shoulder is completely unrelated.  The rheumatologist ordered more extensive (specific?) blood tests to investiage the fatigue and soreness,  and those tests came back with only slight abnormalities (whatever that means?) and only borderline positive for signs of lupus.  She said that I really should not worry about any of this, that there certainly is no diagnosis, especially not one of lupus. 


The plan is to visit one more time with my allergist and then possibly start a medication that is supposed to help with the fatigue. (No answers still on the shoulder pain, I guess it's just residual from an injury I got when I worked it so hard to lose that first 40ish lbs. Whatever.)

All of this was bothering me greatly so I haven't been working out (to be honest, I haven't even been eating as well as I was used to, either)... I've been using my fatigue and joint paint, and my unknown blood "abnormalities" as an excuses to just be in a waiting phase.... waiting on blood results... waiting on appointments ... waiting on reasons.

I'm done waiting.



So I'm still tired. But I'm done waiting for answers... I'm just going to make the commitment to find my healthy me again one small step at a time.  I'll listen to my body but I'll stop making excuses. I'm just going to assume that nothing major is wrong.

My stupid mouth always gets me in trouble. This time it's for being over-cautious. Just suck it up and push through allergy season.  Gonna keep pushing myself to get over these mental blocks.

Being Honest

You take the good you take the bad you take them both and there you have

the facts of life.

Gah.

If you consume the crappy stuff, your body will not yield results.

I ate crap last weekend... starting Friday night and not stopping until Sunday night.

Gah! The weekends are SO. HARD.  I have nobody to blame but myself!  I want to give you all my excuses and write a big long blog post about "date night" on Friday and how we celebrated my birthday on Saturday with Rich's family and how I was held at gunpoint to consume frozen yogurt on Sunday while out with mother in law...  but seriously. Those stories would just be riddled with excuses and covering up the real problem.

I struggle with weekends. I need get this figured out. Especially if I'm going to make big progress on my goals and win this WLC.   It's frustrating!

I want to eat the crap everyone else eats, but I want to lose weight doing it.  Those in AA know that the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result.  This past weekend, I lost my brain, and my stomach took over to compensate.  My stomach said that since I've been working out so much, that I can eat the crap and everything will be okay. My stomach said that my muscles are sore so I deserve the junk. My stomach said that I could work off the crap the next day with a higher intensity work out.

My brain knows better!  If I want results, I have to eat like I want results. SEVEN DAYS A WEEK.  My brain knows that this challenge isn't going to last for forever.... It's only seven more weeks.  Seriously, I can keep losing for seven more weeks!  Even if it's only one pound a week - that's a package of buttah off my thighs. I know this! My brain knows this. Even my heart knows this.  But, my stomach is sick. It's diseased with want and deserve and make-up-for-it-later. 

So, no pounds lost this week. I weigh exactly the same as I did at this time last week. To the tenth of a pound.  

That's okay, though.  I'm not going to have any CRAP this weekend!  I'm going to climb to the very tip top of that leader board and I'm going to reach my goal of 11 more pounds!

Clothes ... that fit?

So, a year ago at this time I was 48 pounds heavier than what I am now.  That's a lot of pounds!  The speaker at Friday's WLC meeting brought in a pound of butter as a visual aid. She said she brought it in to remind the group what a pound looks like. She said some folks in the group had emailed her with sad statements like, "I only lost one measly little pound this week...." so she brought in a pound of butter and asked us to imagine that pound coming right off each of our thighs!  I loved the visual especially after remembering that I have lost almost 50 of those bad boys!

x50

But, all this losing and reshaping my body is giving me clothing nightmares.  Not the kind of nightmares you dream in your sleep, but the kind that you live in your morning routines where you try shirt after shirt after shirt on and don't like the way anything looks on you or ...even more fun of course... the pants!

When I lost the first 35 after last summer's WLC, I went clothes shopping.  I thought it would be FUN! Sounds fun, right? Getting new clothes after a significant loss like that?  I mean, 35 pounds surely equals a couple of pant sizes...   right?

That's where I have mental issues. (No husby, I don't need a reminder that I've always had mental issues, kay? I'm talking about clothes here, thanks.)

I mean, I went shopping and tried on a billion mazillion trillion different pairs of pants and didn't like any of them! I used to be a size 16 pants (on a good day!) and those are much too big.  I tried on some 14s - still baggy.  The 12s are incredibly small... I think?

This Goldilocks game has to stop.   I think I know why it's happening.
Most of my adult life, I've worn baggy clothes. Espcially my jeans/pants. I've always wanted them loose so I have room to grow. Because that's all I've ever done. GROW.  I've never had the pleasure of shrinking before.  And, when clothes fit tight, it just means I need to go one size bigger.  In my head, at least.

So where am I now?  I'm finding myself buying NEW pants (as a weight loss REWARD) that are too big!  My two newest pants, both of which I love, slip on and off my hips without even unbuttoning or unzipping them.

To me, this is a hurdle I must overcome.

Just recently (VERY recently, like last week recently) my favorite brown belt was suddenly TOO BIG.  The tightest notch on the belt was still too loose to hold my britches up.

It's time to re-train my brain to understand what clothes that fit feel like.  I'm not sure how I'm going to do this. Clothes are a really big part of my budget and I don't want to just go buying clothes that should be my size and then never wear them because they're not comfortable.  I honestly don't know how to shop for clothes now.  This is a bummer!  Suggestions are welcome!

Eat better, exercise more

Everybody at work seemed pretty surprised about my 8lbs lost.  It felt good to know that I was doing something right!  All week, people have been mentioning the success and asking for pointers. I feel VERY TOTALLY and COMPLETELY unqualified to give any sorts of pointers on weight loss, but I feel a personal responsibility to let everybody in on what works for me so that maybe it can work for them too...

Here's my big secret - are you ready????


... Diet & Exercise.

And prayer.
Lots of prayer.

This week's weigh-in won't be NEARLY as impressive. I can't even guarantee that I've lost anything.  But, I'm getting healthier and stronger, and HOPEFULLY a little bit closer to that grand prize in March - the jackpot for the weightloss challenge. :)

The Challenge :: Week 1

So, here are my impressions of this weight loss challenge that I'm a part of.

First, I'm pretty disappointed with how the thing is being executed. The accountability provided by having co-workers and friends on the challenge with me is a very good thing, but the management of weigh-in's is kind of on an honor system. They are asking participants to weigh in and then email their weight to one of the organizers of the challenge. This organizer is an outside person, so it's not biased, but the weights are not checked by ANYONE, ANYWHERE, ANYTIME. Even our initial weigh in last week was pretty sorry: just weigh in on the scale you'll be using for the duration of the challenge and email that weight to the facilitator.  I'm a pretty honest person. In fact, if I had to name a weakness about me, it would be fierce loyalty. I hate to break rules and I'm pretty much a terrible rule follower. So, the thought of cheating on this, though enticing (we're talking about close to $200 here, probably!), is out of the question for me. But, how do I know that everybody else who is participating is on the same ethical level I am?

 Aside from that, I can brag that I'm doing very well. I'm back to the exact weight I made when I finished my last weight loss challenge, which is fantastic!

 I did a weight loss challenge during the summer, from June until mid August, and I lost nearly 40 pounds during that time. But, after the challenge was over, I began to have severe pain in my left shoulder and so I slacked off on the exercising. I also came down with pneumonia and so I slacked off on the healthy eating (I justified it by saying that I'm just glad I'm alive: Doesn't matter how I eat!).. Well, needless to say now, I've made up for all of that. I'm doing alright in physical therapy for my shoulder and my eating has been spot on for the last week.

I'm highly motivated by surprising everyone around me with my commitment to becoming healthier, stronger, leaner, and a couple hundred bucks richer. :) I'm 8 pounds down from my (honest to goodness) weigh in last week. I attribute that to countless hours working out and eating spinach salads with LOTS of veggies twice a day. I'm also eating plenty of fruit in the mornings and am getting sufficient protein throughout the day by way of shakes, yogurt, cottage cheese, and something meaty at dinner (usually).

 I'm feeling healthy, I'm much happier (again), and I keep surprising myself with my endurance and strength at the gym. I enjoy 5am spin classes, even though I don't have an accountability partner there. I can't wait for Spring so I can enjoy running outside more often.

 This healthier lifestyle is contagious, and perhaps that's the most appealing benefit to me. My kids are copying me - Rebecca loves her spinach smoothies and her salads and Julia wants to get serious into running. She even ran 2 miles with me and kept up with a 11:40 min/mile pace and then out-sprinted me at the end. Julia loves the shakes/smoothies and will eat raw spinach by the handfuls, along with cucumbers and celery, and even fresh broccoli.

 My husband has been a great supporter of me for this challenge as well. He has endured my thousands of questions about calories and exercise and he's been busting his own butt with Insanity just to stay with me in this. He'll enjoy his occasional sweet treat, but I don't blame him - with a metabolism and body like his, I would certainly indulge more often as well. :)

 Alright, so now I've written way more than is enough about my first week on the challenge. The challenge is over after spring break in March. I might even have a bikini body this summer... imagine that! (LOL - no don't imagine it... it was rhetorical. save yourself the gag). Thanks for reading!!!

My Fitness Pal

MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

Banishing Excuses

My easiest excuse for avoiding a workout is that my kids are more important and I don't like to take time away from them.
I need to get past this, and right now the easiest way I can see around it is to get up really early and get my workout over with before my normally scheduled routine begins.  I'm going to commit to this! At least for the next 11 weeks - then who know what will happen after that, but I remember learning somewhere that 21 consecutive times of doing something forms a regular, bonafide HABIT.  So, that's what I'm going for.

But, today - husby had the day off and so did I so we did things at our leisure and it was such a JOY! I took my time with my workout today and even did the whole thing in the comfort of my own home... which is another great reminder that the excuse of bad weather, or not enough time, or even dirty clothes shouldn't stop me. I can get a workout in NO MATTER WHAT, given that we have sufficient equipment at home to knock one out without a problem.

My new-ish strategy of working out before day breaks will begin on Wednesday. I'm hoping to make it to a 5am spin class at the YMCA. It will be a super challenge since I don't have to work Weds or have any other plans. I'm gonna have to get my butt out of that bed just because.  I'll let you know what happens. :) (And while typing this post, I just remembered that holy crap, that's tomorrow.)  Heh..

Today's workout consisted of a 20 minute treadmill jog - including work with a steep incline and a two minute run at an uncomfortably fast pace.. which is great. :) And, I was watching the Dr's while I was working out and they weren't done talking about something interesting so I stayed on for an extra 5-10 minutes after that.  Then, I tried a new workout called "Hip Hop Abs" from "Shawn-T" ...  I liked it but I don't know that it did much for me, so when it was done (it was thirty minutes long!) I went ahead and did a 3 minute abs exercise to finish everything off.

I'm excited about getting back on track!  The only real, legitimate excuse I have to not go at it full force with 100% effort is a shoulder injury that I'm currently going to physical therapy for.  Hopefully it will be just another few weeks of therapy and I'll be good as new so I can re-join the weight training classes at the Y. :)